Green Light Doesn't Always Mean Go (Parashat Ki Teizei)

The intersection on my corner happens to be a very dangerous one.  Cars always seem to be running red lights, seemingly with no regard for the pedestrians or the other vehicles.  The other day, I was walking home from shul with a neighbor when - once again - a car ran the light, nearly hitting us.  Naturally, a conversation then ensued about the dangers of the intersection and my neighbor mentioned to me that whenever he is at a red light there, he always waits a few seconds after it turns green just in case a car runs the red.  I found this to be very interesting.  Most people will argue that a green light means that the have the right of way.  There have been numerous times when, if I didn't drive immediately when the light turned green, cars behind me would begin honking as though it is my duty to drive.  My neighbor, on the other hand, feels it is an option - not a duty.  According to this weeks parasha, Hashem feels the same way!

"When you will go out to war against your enemies...and you will see among its captivity a woman who is beautiful of form, and you will desire her, you will take her to yourself for a wife."

Ki Teizei starts out by discussing an interesting halacha.  It states that if, during war, a man finds one of the women from our "enemy" to be attractive, he is permitted to take her as his own wife - regardless of whether or not she is previously married.  What is interesting is that the Torah does not use the standard lashon of "you shall" or "you must."  Rather, it says "you will."

Sefer Zikaron explains that the reason for this is because the Torah is not giving us a commandment in this verse, it is simply giving us permission.  The sefer explains that Hashem understands the fact that a man's desires are heightened when he as at war and so he may be inclined to desire a woman who is, initially, forbidden to him.  For this reason, Hashem makes an exception and allows the man to take this woman as a wife.



However, Rashi points out that several verses later this "blessing" Hashem gives us to take her as a wife becomes a "curse" of it's own: "If a man will have two wives, one beloved and one hated...the firstborn son will be born to the hated one..."  Rashi states that if the man indeed marries this woman, his destiny will be to hate her and to father from her a rebellious son.  If that is our destiny, why does Hashem allow us to do it?  Why not simply forbid the act in the first place??

My 4-year old son likes to sit on the arm of our couch.  I constantly find myself telling him to get off because it is dangerous and he can get hurt.  He, of course, insists that he will not get hurt.  A few weeks ago, he sat himself on the arm.  When I told him he is going to fall and hurt himself, he (once again) insisted it wouldn't happen.  Rather than arguing with him, I said the following "ok, sit on it - but if you fall, don't complain about it."  Sure enough, he fell (b"H there were no injuries) and gave me a look of "ok, you were right."

As parents and educators, sometimes we must allow the child to make a mistake in order to learn his or her lesson.  The fact, however, that we are "allowing" them to do something does not mean we encourage doing it.  In this weeks parasha, Hashem reinforces that concept fully and there is a beautiful lesson to be learned!!  Just like despite the green light, my neighbor doesn't always drive because he knows the risks that lie ahead, so too Hashem gives man permission to take the wife but illustrates the risks that lie ahead.

The moral of it all is that just because we have permission to do something, that doesn't always mean it is a good thing to do.  We must weigh the pros and cons and determine what is the right thing to do - not simply the permissible thing!

May we all be careful to do what is right in life, not only what we are allowed to do.  In this zechut may we merit to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!