You Call It A Disaster, I Call It Perfect

A while back, there was an article floating around Facebook describing Shabbat (specifically, Friday night) as a "clusterf**k."  In it, the author described the hope, anticipation and preparation that goes into the Friday night meal only to - inevitably - have it result in "unmitigated disaster."

As I recall, the article drew a very positive response amongst my friends on social media, many of whom empathized with the author.  In truth, even my wife and I felt that the description was spot-on.  But, if you ask me, all of that madness is what makes Shabbat so...perfect!

First, let me give you a little background information...

My wife and I have been married for 10+ years, thank G-d.  Together, we have 4 very energetic children (I blame her and she blames me).  Aside from reading - which they can, literally, do for hours at a time (that one can DEFINITELY be blamed on the wife), our children are not the sit-quietly-and-play-with-a-toy type.  Rather, they're the let's-see-who-can-run-more-laps-around-the-dining-room-table-before-getting-tired type - and we love them for it.

Much like the author of the aforementioned article, my wife and I entered each Shabbat with hopes and visions of a calm, quiet, peaceful meal.  We imagined everyone seated nicely, enjoying their mazza (Sephardic term for appetizers) and sharing stories of their week.  Naturally, none of this is ever what actually happened.  Aside from the part about the mazza.  But, let me paint a picture of what does transpire:

I come home from shul, usually with my two older boys (ages 5 and 8) in tow and we're greeted by my wife, daughter, youngest son and (sometimes) my mother.  At this point, my three-year-old will tell me a story that I completely don't understand and I'll turn to my daughter for translation.  Afterward, we announce to the children that it's time to set the table and each one assumes his/her role (depending on the week, some convincing may or may not take place).

Once the table is set and the grape juice is poured, I begin to sing Shalom Aleichem and Aishet Chayil (this past week, we initiated the practice of my older children singing along, as well).  Once I finish, I say sing the blessings and we drink - this is where the fun starts!

"Whisper it in my ear" are the words my five-year-old tells me when it's time to give him his individual blessing.  In accordance with the decree of Yaakov, each of my children is blessed every week.  How special is that?!  After each one has his/her turn, they wash for bread, I say the blessing and the meal begins.

Granted, each week is different and some meals are more "peaceful" than others - but all of them include family bonding, silly stores and episodes and lots of singing.  My daughter (age 9) likes it when I sing Disney songs.  My eldest son prefers when I sing Shabbat songs with him that he learned in Yeshiva that week.  Both of them love to dance like crazy while I sing solo.

Admittedly, Friday night in our house isn't always a smooth occurrence.  Yes, the children (and us) are tired from a long week and outbursts may happen.  But that's ok. Perhaps, for me, Shabbat stopped being a disaster and became perfect when I realized that.

To drive this point home, I'll share the following:

A few weeks ago, my daughter slept over by her cousin and my son slept by my mother.  It was just my wife, two youngest sons (one of whom fell asleep while I was in shul) and me Friday night.  Finally - it was calm, quiet and peaceful - and MISERABLE!  How we both longed for the noise and commotion that we'd, previously, dreaded each week.

I realized that week that quiet is overrated.  Rather, I prefer the liveliness and excitement.  Moreover, I considered the unfortunate couples who are forced to have quiet meals each week because they are unable to conceive - and I realized how absolutely lucky we are to have the madness that we do.

For me, that's perfect!

A Higher Standard (Parashat Kedoshim)

While studying in Beis Medrash, I remember one of my Rebbeim introducing a new concept in halacha.  When I questioned him on the source for the halacha so that I could tell it over to others, he referenced the pasuk in this week's parasha "You shall be holy, for holy am I, Hashem, your G-d", stating that one of his Rebbeim used to say that pasuk was the source behind every halacha.  While I, respectfully, disagree with that method of answering; I strongly agree with the concept overall.

In this weeks parasha, Hashem instructs Moshe to "speak to the entire assembly of the Children of Israel" (leave nobody behind) and give over this commandment of holiness to them.  It is, perhaps, one of the most profound commandments we have in the entire Torah.  Every Jew has an obligation to be holy - just as Hashem is.  We must understand that, if we are to truly assume our role as Hashem's children and emulate His greatness, we must be like Him - we must be holy.

I have had numerous conversations with students over the years as to why Hashem had to "burden" us with so many commandments.  I explain to them that the purpose of these commandments is to help us grow closer to Him.  Hashem created us so that he can be our Father and we can be His children.  In order to establish a loving relationship between the two, we must have some form of similarity.  After all, the way people bond is over their similarities - it is what we have in common with others that draws us to them.  All of Hashem's characteristics add up to one overall trait - holiness.  Therefore, he provides us we halachot that will enable us to achieve this trait as well.  In fact, if you look at any halacha that exists, you will find an underlying purpose that enables one to become a better person (i.e. - covering the challah on shabbat teaches to be considerate of the feelings of others).

In one of his shiurim, Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky suggests that people not strive to be frum or religious.  Rather, he suggests, strive to be holy.  For if a person strives to be holy, he will - ultimately- be much more than frum.  Additionally, this week's parasha does not command us to be the former, it commands us to be the latter.

May we all strive to be holy and, in doing so, may we grow closer to Hashem, our Father.  In doing so, may we be zoche to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!!

Knowing What Counts (Parashat Acharei Mot)

"You shall observe My decrees and My judgments, which man shall carry out 

and live by them - I am Hashem."

The pasuk above is one of the commandments which is given to us by Hashem in this week's parasha - to live by the decrees and judgments that He gave us.  I can recall having many conversations, during my time both as a Rebbe in Yeshiva and working for NCSY, with students about how "difficult" (as they put it) it must be to be an observant Jew.  That insisted that living in such a manner was restrictive and prevented one from truly enjoying life.

At first glance, this week's parasha seems to prove them correct.  Indeed, Hashem tells us that we must live according to His ways - yes, that could be quite restrictive.  However, Rashi explains it a bit differently.  He states that the verse is not referring to living in the present world (Olam HaZeh), rather it refers to  living in the world to come (Olam HaBah).  Hashem promises us that, if we follow his commandments, we will enjoy a prosperous life in the world to come!

Though it is easy to lose focus of it, one must understand that this world is a temporary domain - simply a place to earn points to be "cashed in" in the next world.  That is what Hashem is trying to teach us this week - if we keep his mitzvot, we will have plenty of points to use in the next world and that is where we will enjoy life!!

May Hashem grant each of us the ability to differentiate between this world and the next. May we, in turn, utilize that ability and focus on the future - not the present.  In doing so, may we be zoche to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!!

P.S. - In response to my students, I would answer them that my life is not the slightest bit restrictive.  Rather, having a set path to live by only strengthens my ability to enjoy it!  Additionally, I would show them how each "law" that exists is there to enhance my life, not restrict it...

Taking a Deeper Look (Parashat Metzora)

"When you arrive in the land of Canaan that I give you as a possession, and I will place a tzara'at affliction upon a house in the land of your possession..."

This week's parasha discusses the laws of one who speaks negatively of his fellow Jew.  The Torah explains that a blemish will appear on the wall of his house and he will have to seek out the Kohen for further investigation.  One of the steps to this process is that he will break a whole in the wall, at which point - Rashi explains (in accordance with the above stated verse) - he will find hidden treasure left behind from the Canaanites who lived there before him.

At first glance, it would seem strange that Hashem chooses to reward a person for speaking lashon hara by presenting them with treasure.  In fact, that would almost be an incentive to go and commit this sin!  Chazzal explain that the purpose of the treasure is to teach the speaker a message: just like the wall is a plain wall on the outside, yet when you break through the surface you see gold - so too, the person you are speaking about might seem one way on the outside, yet when you get too know them they too will be a treasure.

I would like to add to this concept.  Anyone who has studied basic psychology has learned that the reason one speaks ill of another is, in fact, because the speaker really has problems with his own character and therefore finds flaws in the characters of others.  Perhaps, in this week's parasha Hashem is not only teaching the speaker that his victim is truly golden on the inside, but that if the speaker takes a deeper look at his own self he will find that he is truly a treasure!!

May we all recognize that each of us is made "in the image of Hashem" and we are all treasures!  In doing so, may we not feel the need to find flaws in others and may we be zoche to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!

Sometimes It's Good To Be Bad (Parashat VaYeira)

At the end of this week's parasha, Hashem instructs Avraham to take Yitzchak and sacrifice him.  Avraham obeys, wakes up early and takes Yitzchak, two servants, wood for the sacrifice, and saddles his donkey to travel to the place that Hashem showed him.  When they arrive, Avraham builds an altar, ties up Yitzchak and places him on the altar to be sacrificed.  He takes the knife in his hand and extends it at which point an angel calls out to him and instructs him not to kill Yitzchak.  As the pasuk states, the angel told Avraham "do not send forth a hand on the lad nor do anything to him."

Rashi explains that the reason the angel added not to do anything to Yitzchak is because, upon being told not to slaughter him, Avraham argued that he would have come for no reason and pleaded with Hashem to at least let Avraham cut Yitzchak and extract some blood as an offering.  Hashem's response was not to touch Yitzchak at all after which the angel states "now I know that you are G-d-fearing."

Why is it that when Avraham had the knife in his hand and was ready to kill his son who he loved so dearly, it wasn't clear that he was G-d-fearing, rather only after he didn't kill him??

I once heard a beautiful explanation as to why...

In actuality, the test of Akeidat Yitzchak was a two-part test.  Part one was a test to see if Avraham was willing to sacrifice his son.  Part two was a test to see if he was willing to not sacrifice him.  As is indicated by the Rashi quoted above, once Avraham was given a commandment by Hashem - he had difficulty with the idea of not completing it.  Therefore, it was only after he accepted the task of not fulfilling the commandment that Hashem knew how G-d-fearing he was.  Very often we get so caught up in our desire to keep Hashem's Torah that we fail to recognize the cases when Hashem doesn't want us to.

As a member of Hatzalah, I am sad to see that I have experienced far too many calls on a motzei-Shabbat where a person is experiencing chest pain or the like.  When we question the patient as to when the pain began, he states that it started on Shabbat.  When questioned further why he didn't call earlier, the patient responds he didn't want to desecrate Shabbat.

It was only after Avraham didn't slaughter Yitzchak that Hashem saw he was G-d-fearing!!  Sometimes, the test is not will we keep the commandment - rather, will we violate it!

May Hashem grant each of us the wisdom and understanding to differentiate between when we should do the right thing, and when the wrong thing IS the right thing.  With this wisdom, may we be zoche to always follow Hashem's commandments (even when He is commanding us to violate a previous one) and in this zechut may we see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days...

Shabbat Shalom!

Nobody's Perfect (Parashat Lech Lecha)

In this week's parasha, we are introduced to the mitzvah of Brit Milah (circumcision).  The Torah teaches us that, at the ripe old age of 99, Avraham was circumcised.

Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky points out that, if you look at the mitzvah of Brit Milah - it seems rather pointless!  Medically speaking, the foreskin which we remove serves no positive purpose whatsoever and - in actuality - would only be detrimental to the person if left on.  That being the case, why does Hashem create us with it if we were then going to be commanded to remove it 8 days later?  Anyone who has had the z'chut of making a Brit Milah knows that it would save a lot of planning, pain (to the baby) and money if we could just forgo the entire process and be born without the foreskin!

Rabbi Orlofsky goes on to answer this question rather beautifully...  He explains that the purpose of Hashem creating us with a negative trait which we would be commanded to remove was to teach us that, just as He created us with negative physical traits, He also created us with negative characteristics - anger, jealousy, etc.  One might think to himself "if Hashem gave me a temper, that must be how He wants me" and therefore the person would not work on overcoming this characteristic.  Rather, look at the mitzvah of Brit Milah and see that - just because Hashem creates you with something, that doesn't mean he wants you to keep it!  Through this mitzvah Hashem is teaching us that he does not want us to keep the parts of us that are negative or detrimental - he wants us to remove them!!

May we all work on ourselves to overcome and "cut off" our negative characteristics just like we cut off the foreskin of a baby boy.  In doing so, may we merit to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days...

Shabbat Shalom!

When Opportunity Knocks... (Parashat Noach)

In this week's parasha, we are told that Noach was a tzaddik (righteous person) "in his generation."  Rashi explains that the term "in his generation" indicates that, had he lived in another generation, he would not have been so special.  The midrash expounds that the reason for this is because Noach was given 120 years to get people to do teshuva and yet he didn't even get one person to do it.

Later in the parasha, after the flood has subsided - Noach plants a vineyard, gets drunk and passes out naked in his tent.  The pasuk states that Ham (father of Canaan) finds Noach and runs to tell his two older brothers who deal with the matter.  When Noach awakens he says "Cursed is Canaan."  Why Canaan??  Rashi says that it was, in fact, Canaan who originally saw Noach.  Rather than tending to him, he ran and got someone else who then got someone else.  This is why Noach curses Canaan.

Based on these two Rashi's, Noach and Canaan seem to share a negative trait - both of them were slow to perform mitzvot.  Each was presented with an opportunity to do something positive - and, instead, they let the opportunity slip away.  This teaches us a wonderful lesson!

So often in life, Hashem presents us with opportunities to do something.  Though it may be easier to pas it up and let someone else do it instead - that is not what Hashem wants, and it is not what we should want!  Rather, we should jump at the chance to to the mitzvah!!  Noach was documented in the Torah as a "tzaddik in his generation" - but this is only because of who he is being compared to.  Perhaps, had Noach really tried to help others he could have gone down in history as tzaddik stamm!!

Baruch Hashem, last week my wife and I were blessed with the birth of another son whom we named Yitzchak after my father a"h.  My father, a retired Senior Center director, devoted his life to helping and doing for others.  He never passed up the opportunity to lend a helping hand.

Anyone who knows my wife knows that she never makes it to the 40th week of her pregnancy - each of our children have been born before their due date.  Yitzchak, however, chose to break that mold.

This past Succot, as we sat in the succah, we were all discussing how crazy it was that my wife was still pregnant - upon which someone at the meal commented "the baby isn't finished learning Torah yet."  We know that while a child is developing in his mother's womb, an angel sits with him and teaches him the entire Torah.  In fact, the Rambam explains that the reason a bris is done on the 8th day is because we take 7 days to mourn the loss of Torah. 

Noach and Canan were similar in their slowness to perform mitzvot.  My father and son are similar in their desire to do mitzvot!!  It is my greatest beracha to Yitzchak that he never lose that desire and that he continue to follow in the footsteps of his namesake.

As for the rest of us, may we take heed to the lesson of Noach and Canaan and may we never pass up on the opportunity to do a mitzvah.  Rather, may we run to do it "b'simcha."  In this zechut, may we merit to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days!

Shabbat Shalom!